Someone said—or several someones said—the only constant in life is change. I’ve finally (almost) stopped fighting the sentiment of the statement and come to accept its truth. Giving up my fight is always difficult for me, but I can see my fighting only accomplished wearing me out and created more trouble for myself.
Here’s how that worked. Once I create more trouble for myself it takes at least twice as long to get where I intended to go initially. I’ve gotten upset when change occurred and to counter it (instead of accepting it) I’d go shopping, or drink, or divorce, or marry or, or, or. I can always find something to divert myself from the task at hand. Imagine my chagrin, angst, or dismay trying to get out of any of the fixes I create—most required years of corrective measures and still the initial change continued looming.
Perhaps not the exact change as it was before I created complications, but the need for the change remained. It’s not going anywhere because when it’s time for me to change, I have to accept it and deal with it the best I can, and keep traveling my path. It’s taken me a very, very long time to accept that. And, if by chance I do accept the change, I give it with caveats. Don’t try the caveat route—it’s never worked for me.
For example, when I stopped smoking because Life called for me to make that change, I started the change by stopping–mostly. I told myself I’d have one a day (my caveat). I’ve
never known how to have one of anything I like my entire life. And I’ve lived a long time. I knew that wasn’t going to work, but I had to try. I stopped smoking but had one a day; before two weeks passed I was right back where I started.
The novel I’ve discussed here, I’m now rewriting. I believed it needed a different direction, a change in my presentation. But, because I wanted to finish it and submit it to publishers, I didn’t accept that I needed to change. I continued in the same direction and now that I’ve submitted it, I’m worried because it’s not the story I wanted to tell. And, because it’s not the story I wanted to tell, I’m on edge that one of the publishers may want to see it and I’m not proud of it the way it is. If I’d only started reworking it when I first felt the urge to do it—I just never seem to learn—but I’m getting better.
Past experiences taught me some things about accepting change, but obviously, there’s still more for me to learn. I felt the call to change and ignored it again—but I recognized the call this time—still chose to ignore it. Oops. But I used to not even recognize the call, so I’m making progress.
I think making progress is part of what makes my Life’s Journey successful. Next time maybe I’ll heed the call to change rather than ignore it; then again, maybe I won’t. Making those choices, adjusting, readjusting, and continuing on the Journey is the essence of Life for me. So, my Journey continues and I’ll see where I end up next.
Life is supposed to be fun and I’m having a blast—mistakes, messes, errors, successes, failures and all. Til next time.