My novel’s progressing and as it does I progress with it.  I’ve started it over from a different angle because when I finished, it didn’t resonate with the story I wanted to tell.  It was like sitting at my computer with a extra large container of crayons spread before me and I only used three of them to draw my picture.  It didn’t feel complete.

Most of my life I’ve lived that way.  Life offers an infinite container full of possibilities, colors, mediums, etc., and I chose only three of them to draw my picture.  I’m much more than I’ve presented myself to be and yet it’s been difficult making other choices to enhance my picture to show it.  It’s been difficult because there’s so many possibilities and I fear failing.

I’m finding however it really doesn’t matter which choice I make because if I don’t like it, I can always choose something else.  But, many times I surprise myself with the finished product, what I can do, and how I do it. These may seem like abstract concepts so I want to provide a concrete example to show what I mean.

When I started this novel my objective was getting it published.  The story is a good and one I believe many will relate to.  I struggled, squirmed, agonized over what I needed to do to get it published.  That was using one crayon to draw my picture.  Once I really got into the novel, I discovered many other crayons I could use.  Crayons of different colors, shades, tones I could use to shape a better story and to get to the essence of what I wanted to say.  Some of the crayons I tried, other than the publication one, brought the story to life.

Color exercise, diff. mediums

After living and interacting with the characters in my story, I’ve come to know and understand it’s their story I’m telling and it has to be told in the way they live and have lived it.  Until I grasped this, I could only tell the story with one crayon and it was impossible to tell.  The way to tell their story is to use the many other colors available.

It has been the same for me in life.  My broken relationships, failed attempts acquiring jobs, prestige or whatever.  When I’m so tied to a singular objective, I blind myself to all other options.  My relationships and marriages may have worked, but my objective was never based on that—I had other objectives.  My sole objective blinded me to the other party and what he may or may not have wanted and/or how we could have salvaged broken hearts, relations, or lives.

If only I’d understood there were other crayons in the box.  On the other hand, maybe for me the crayon I most needed was the one telling me, I like being single and stop picking up the marriage crayon.  At least that’s how I see it now.  The colors and choices are always available for selection, but the first step is understanding they even exist.  The second step is open mindedness to other possibilities.  I think I get it now and I’ll see what happens.  I’ll keep you posted.  Til next time.

Ciao