Procrastination’s become the prominent emotion du jour lately. I believe it’s because I’m close to the end of writing my novel. Because I’m close, it’s become easier for me to divert my attention to something else.
I’ve always thought procrastination was a negative emotion and something to avoid. But I’ve been rethinking my perceptions. Writing a novel has been a great way to learn who I am as well as provide opportunities to grow and change. Either of those choices—growing or changing—is a difficult one. The choice is difficult because changing old habits requires admitting what I’m currently doing isn’t working and that’s disconcerting. I’ve subjected my habits, thoughts, and inner mysteries to such intensity. It’s comparable to therapy.
Whenever emotion arises as I’m writing, I’ve examined it in its many facets. Examining my emotional responses gives me a better idea how to write motivations and actions for my characters. And, to do that, I need to know what that emotion is, how it feels, and any choices I have relative to it.
Right now, procrastination is prominent and I’ve discovered interesting information. I’m close to the end of my novel and terrified. Not just terrified, but worried the novel isn’t as good as I previously believed it was and, sometimes I think it’s better than I believed. This carousel of emotions twirling inside me and their battle royale for top spot causes me to procrastinate finishing my novel to deal with my emotions and other matters.
Also, if I don’t finish my novel, I won’t have to face whether it’s good or bad, whether I’ve done a decent job, whether a publisher will buy it, whether readers will read or like it. And, my insecurities go round and round and round—my response to the these insecurities is procrastination–do something else.
Examining these, I’ve learned one response for why, how, and what I do when I’m scared, anxious, insecure, or worried–I procrastinate. The thing about procrastinating for me however is I no longer think it’s bad or good—it just exists; I experience it.
Procrastinating gives me a chance to forget about my novel, change directions, clear my caches. I look at it as pressing my reset button. Then I can get back to writing with a fresh mind and fresh approach.
So, depending on what emotion I’m experiencing while writing (or procrastinating) I’m approaching its finish line. It’s been great fun sharing my thoughts and experiences here for others. I hope they’ve given others some insight into my writing journey or at least for this journey called life we’re all traveling.
Til next time, Ciao